Grade eight is when I started, I needed a release. I needed something to show me that I wasn’t numb to the world around me and that I truly could feel something, even though that something I would feel meant feeling pain…. I did it, so that I could feel human. It continued through high school and my first year of college. I did it over the same scar over and over again so that it just looked like it didn’t heal or on my legs where no one could see, I didn’t want anyone noticing, I didn’t want to get attention…. I didn’t want to stop, because of how addicted to it I had become. I let it take over my life, I let it be the solution to all my problems….Eventually, after a little bit in college, I decided that I no longer wanted to be reminded of the pain that I felt and that I needed to cope a different way, a healthier way. I wanted a way that still reminded me that I am human, and that I am not numb to everything around me but I wanted it to happen in a way where I didn’t have to physically hurt myself to remind myself of that. I have not self-harmed for three years now and I am so proud of myself. And I want you all to know that for those struggling with self-harm, there will come a day where you will get yourself to stop. Maybe not today, tomorrow, a week/a month/a year away; but one day, you will get to your some day. When you get to your some day, it’ll be the best feeling in the world and you’ll be so happy that you got yourself to stop.
All posts by SPLewis79
you’re going to make it
The pain is real. The scars last. Your soul is hurt. Your heart is broken. On your skin you try to make it a canvas of the chaos inside. When clarity comes you’ll see, self harm for what it really is~the soul’s injury. You are not through. You are not done, you matter. No one can say otherwise. Your value is not in your scars or your pain. Your past will never define you. Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. Stay alive. There is only one you in existence. There will never be another you. Even though you don’t have the answers and you hurt. Please, don’t stop fighting. Keep going. You’re going to make it through.
it is possible….
I’m sharing my story tonight as I fight the urge to self injure. I starting cutting when I was 15 years old. I am 31 now. I will have almost a year SI free in a couple weeks. It has been difficult but worth it to continue in this journey of healing and beginning to like who I am. Why continue to punish myself for the past, especially when the reason I started to begin with wasn’t even my fault. Loving myself and forgiving myself may be the hardest things I ever learn to do, but I am determined to make that happen and to move forward every day. Each day I don’t pick up a razor is a day that hope and strength grow. I’m becoming a healthy woman, and I hope to help others who are struggling. It may be difficult but it is possible.
a reason not to go back
I was 9 when I started using self harm as a way to distract myself from my emotional problems. It became a part of my daily routine, either I was punishing myself for eating to much or I was using it to feel something I understood. It wasn’t until I turned 16 I realized there are better ways to deal with my stress and troubles. I started looking at the risks of what I was doing to myself to give me a reason to stop and think ”I shouldn’t do this. I deserve better”. I had a lot of falls but I never failed to pick myself back up and start over. I am now 20 and I haven’t cut myself in over a year. I actually feel good about myself and look at my scares as a thing I got past and a reason not to go back.
anything is possible
I tend to get very attached to celebtrities that are inspiring. One of my favorite singers is Kendall Schmidt (Big Time Rush and Heffron Drive)are his two bands and one thing that he has always reminded his fans is to “Take your passion and run with it; anything is possible.” And from that quote I took the anything is possible, because it is. I have been through tough times in my own life, but I can tell you that recovery IS possible and you can do anything as long as you believe in yourself. So just remember when you are having a bad day, week, month etc. just know that you will be able to get through it.
i am alive
I’m over a year clean and even though I’ve made it this far that doesn’t mean I don’t get the want, or need sometimes. But I’ve learned something, something that’s kept me from giving in or giving up. I am bigger, better, braver. I am bigger than the want to cut, I am better than how I may feel sometimes, and I am brave enough to talk about my problems. I am still here, I am still breathing, I am alive, so let me live.
never forget
things used to be at a point where i decided to self-harm , and to become unaware of all the people there for me , i was never alone , deciding to stop self-harming was an emotional thing at the time but i decided change was the best , change is the key of everything , love, laugh and live happily (: we should cherish all the good and just know that everything does get better , if you self-harm let a trusted adult know, its never late to stop , people love you , never forget
scars and healing
You can see a scar and see hurt. But I prefer to look at my scars and see healing.
recovery process
Urges and relapses are going to happen, they are a part of the recovery process. The point is to make the amount of time between the relapses longer until the urges are no longer there.
scars don’t define me
People see your scars rather you know it or not. I have a faithful man in my life and have a child on the way we have been together now for four months and before we became a couple he knew I was troubled. He knew I had been through some terrible things,he also knew I self harmed myself he just wasn’t completely for sure what I was doing to myself. Now he knows why I did it, he also knows I was a cutter. There is no secrets anymore. It feels great not to worry about that no more it also feels good to know my scars don’t define me they remind me I survived!
