Hi. When I was 6 months old my battle began. I had a hair pulling disorder called trichotillomania. It’s very rare for someone to get it but even more rare for babies to get it. But I had it. I was bald up until I was 10 and bullied my whole life. The main thing I was called was a boy. I struggled a lot to become a normal child. I had extreme moods. When I had just turned 13 I started becoming very depressed and was still being bullied but for different reasons. But the end of 2015 I started self harming. It started off as a little cut here and there on my hand then things turned for the worse. My parents finally found out and got help. But not enough. I ended up trying to kill myself a couple months later. That’s when I really got help. I was then diagnosed with bipolar disorder 1. I was finally on medication and I had lots of support streams. But once again that wasn’t enough. I attempted suicide for the second time a few months later and went to a crisis stabilization unit. I was considered out patient. I was put on more meds and was getting better but things still weren’t right. I was still self harming and I ended up attempting suicide 8 more times. So by the fifth attempt I went to a psychiatric hospital for two weeks in September. I spent my 15 birthday there. But little did my family know, that was only my 8th time not 11th. Things have been very hard. I’m still self harming but I’m as stable as I have ever been. I’ve been homeschooled all my life but was bullied in church. I’m still getting bullied here and there but not as much. Although everyone at my church knows what’s going on with me since I am the pastors daughter. I’m on lots of medications but I’m feeling better. The only reason I’m writing this is because i want whoever is reading this to know that things will get better. It’s hard and it may not seem like it but it is. I am down right now but I’ll get better. I know it. So thanks for reading and I hope that maybe I helped someone. 🙂
There are only a few that know this about me. What I am about to say will come as a huge shock to those that have known me for years. During my middle school years it was hell for me. My dad left me when I was 12 years old for selfish reasons. At 13 I developed bulimia and I began to self harm at 13. I used to cut my wrists and my thighs. I pulled my hair out as well as bang my head against the wall several times. I tried to kill myself five times because of the pain of not having a father figure. With the encouragement of my counselor I stopped cutting on October 8, 2012. I joined jrotc (junior reserve office training corps) in high school to rebuild my life because by the time i entered high school I was on the wrong side of the road. Now the senior aerospace Science instructor in jrotc is like a father to me. Through the years that I have been a cadet he was there for me through the pain and joy I’ve faced. Jrotc saved my life and I am forever grateful.
I used to self injur it started when I was 15 and went through a traumatic event. It didn’t stop until I was 18 but not before I tried to take my own life. I was always so depressed and never felt like anyone understood me or what I was going through. I got married and was so affraid to tell my husband about it but he saw the scars and I finally explained it to him. He stood by me and he has kept me strong. We have a beautiful 7 month old daughter and I get so scared sometimes because i know someday she will see my scars and ask me where they came from. I wish I knew what to say, I trust God will give me the right words. Life is beautiful and your body is sacred. Don’t ever feel like your alone because I PROMISE you your not.
I started cutting when I was 11 years old. I attemted suiside for the first time when I was 12 years old. I woke up in a hosbital when I was 13 years old. That day changed my life. That was the day that I realized i didn’t want to die. All I wanted was a way out and with a little help I found if. Suiside if a permenent solution to a temporary problem. Don’t ever give up hope. You are not alone.