All posts by SPLewis79

i am currently experiencing self harm and suicidal thoughts and i just want to say that at the moment it may feel like there is nobody in this world who can ever understand what you’re going through because nobody knows when you have a fake smile on your face. i want to say things will get better have faith and believe in yourself.

stay strong…i advise you as someone who speaks from experience talk to someone a close friend or somebody that’ll help and support you. there are people out there who can help you overcome this and their support could be what you need.

I have been through hard times in my life and I had urges to self harm

I have been through hard times in my life and I had urges to self harm but I resisted because I knew I could not do it because I do not want to hurt everyone who I love and everyone who loves me does not deserve to be hurt emotionally because of my self harming urges. I am over 100 clean because of everyone who loves and is supporting me. I am fighting through recovery now and I will never do it again

life is better…

I go to a psychologist, more and more I believe in god and probably into itself, i think it’s my life is better.

healing is possible…

I was violently sexually assaulted by a family friend when I was 12, and began self-harming shortly after. I thought I was to blame for my attack and began punishing myself by cutting, bruising and burning myself. It was part of my daily life, until I was in 11th grade. My literature teacher saw a bruise I thought I had hidden away, and she comfronted me about it. She told me that I was not to blame for what happened to me and she just listened as I explained what happened. She pulled a leather bound journal out of her desk, handed to me, and told me when I felt like self-harming, to write in the journal instead. I thought it at first to be a stupid idea, but I gave it a shot because she was my favorite teacher. And you know what, it DID work. I graduated in 2014 with my master’s degree in social work and currently work with young women dealing with mental illness, including self-harming tendencies. I still have the days when the thoughts of self-harming begin to try and sneak in, but instead of harming, I write in a notebook I always keep in my backpack. Healing is possible; it takes time and a willingness to give yourself the chance to heal and be okay. But you can heal, you can grow, and you can move past the pain.

overcoming self-harm…

I self-harmed for years. I felt so alone, one of my close friends told me that talking to our teacher would help relieve some of the feelings I had been feeling. It was like this huge burrden was relieved when I told someone who I trusted about my self-harm. I got the help I needed, along with the full support I have recieved, I haven’t harmed myself or thought about harming myself in 2 years! If you feel like hurting yourself, it’s for the best to get help and stop bad coping skills hindering your day to day life.

reaching that some day…

There will come a day where you won’t want to hurt yourself anymore. Where you’ll want to cope some other way. One day you will reach your some day. When that day comes you’ll be so proud of yourself. You’ll be so happy to finally rid of an addiction. But just like any other addiction, even though you stopped it physically, it will always be in the back of your mind. When you’re going through some hard times, that self-harm strategy will come to mind. That’s when mind over matter happens. It’s when you’ll find the strength inside yourself to say no. When you say no, that’s the day. That is the day that is your some day. I promise over time you’ll get there and you will reach that day. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day you will reach your some day.

strength from overcoming…

What people who don’t self-harm have trouble understanding is that it is an addiction just like alcohol or drugs is and that even though you stop, the thoughts of wanting to go back don’t go away. Self-harm is always in the back of my mind, and when I feel numb, or even overwhelmed with the emotions, I want to go back to that so quickly. But I remember how hard it was to stop so I don’t want to start back up again. And the days and/or nights when I feel like picking up that knife or the scissors or anything sharp that I could get my hands on, I remind myself of how far I’ve come and how proud I am to be where I am and that I don’t want to do anything that would jeopardize the progress that I’ve made. Everything happens for a reason and I truly believe that with all of my heart. Not only do I believe that this happened to guide me to the career that I am going to have for the rest of my life, but I believe this happened so that I could write on something like this and tell you all who read that it does get better and that one day you truly will have your some day and I hope that when you do, you feel proud and you’ll realize how strong you really are. “Strength does not come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you thought you couldn’t.” So just remember, you can and you will overcome it. One day you’re some day will happen.

When you get to your some day, it’ll be the best feeling in the world

Grade eight is when I started, I needed a release. I needed something to show me that I wasn’t numb to the world around me and that I truly could feel something, even though that something I would feel meant feeling pain…. I did it, so that I could feel human. It continued through high school and my first year of college. I did it over the same scar over and over again so that it just looked like it didn’t heal or on my legs where no one could see, I didn’t want anyone noticing, I didn’t want to get attention…. I didn’t want to stop, because of how addicted to it I had become. I let it take over my life, I let it be the solution to all my problems….Eventually, after a little bit in college, I decided that I no longer wanted to be reminded of the pain that I felt and that I needed to cope a different way, a healthier way. I wanted a way that still reminded me that I am human, and that I am not numb to everything around me but I wanted it to happen in a way where I didn’t have to physically hurt myself to remind myself of that. I have not self-harmed for three years now and I am so proud of myself. And I want you all to know that for those struggling with self-harm, there will come a day where you will get yourself to stop. Maybe not today, tomorrow, a week/a month/a year away; but one day, you will get to your some day. When you get to your some day, it’ll be the best feeling in the world and you’ll be so happy that you got yourself to stop.

you’re going to make it

The pain is real. The scars last. Your soul is hurt. Your heart is broken. On your skin you try to make it a canvas of the chaos inside. When clarity comes you’ll see, self harm for what it really is~the soul’s injury. You are not through. You are not done, you matter. No one can say otherwise. Your value is not in your scars or your pain. Your past will never define you. Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. Stay alive. There is only one you in existence. There will never be another you. Even though you don’t have the answers and you hurt. Please, don’t stop fighting. Keep going. You’re going to make it through.

it is possible….

I’m sharing my story tonight as I fight the urge to self injure. I starting cutting when I was 15 years old. I am 31 now. I will have almost a year SI free in a couple weeks. It has been difficult but worth it to continue in this journey of healing and beginning to like who I am. Why continue to punish myself for the past, especially when the reason I started to begin with wasn’t even my fault. Loving myself and forgiving myself may be the hardest things I ever learn to do, but I am determined to make that happen and to move forward every day. Each day I don’t pick up a razor is a day that hope and strength grow. I’m becoming a healthy woman, and I hope to help others who are struggling. It may be difficult but it is possible.